I wrote a total of one post on my blog last year. This one. Other than that, you haven’t heard from me here since October of 2014. Wow. That’s a lot of radio silence.
“at midnight, the enemy went on total radio silence”
“the long radio silence has been due to the intensity of parenting an infant”
I can tell you for sure, a LOT happened with me last year. So much and so intense that I craved a lot of privacy. I didn’t write much at all–in general and not just on this blog–because I was so busy being a proofreader and copyeditor for other people’s writing. Much of my “writing bug” was fed in this way. I posted less on social media, too. If you know me, that doesn’t mean I didn’t post at all, because I have a compulsive need to read and share articles and things I find interesting or helpful. Yes, I do! But I posted way less about my personal life, and that felt right in 2015.
2015 was a time to work hard and earn money through my gigs on Fiverr as well as to coach a little bit. It was also a time to hunker down within myself to deal with some really emotional, often painful and traumatic stuff. In my family of origin, with my husband, and with my children. I didn’t have a word of the year for 2015, but if I look back on it, I’d say it was EMOTIONAL. Also, it was a year of vast inner EXPANSION. And also I could say, TAKING A STAND for myself. I realized, as I wrote about in my one 2015 post, The Hoffman Process: One Year Later, that I no longer hated myself. I learned through the Hoffman Process and its work of releasing and forgiving, to value myself–not just in a way of self confidence and esteem (which are somewhat exterior things), but in a way of truly deep down love and worthiness.
This meant people around me began to change, too, in ways that surprised, shocked, and delighted me.
But change that deep has been hard.
I tend to get isolated when I’m busy, or when I’m having a hard time. I did that in 2015 for both reasons, both publicly by not writing and privately through that “hunkering down and hiding out” that happens to us introverts. Thankfully, I was coached all along and that coaching (with a spiritual, holistic perspective from my homeopath, Jason-Aeric Huenecke) was a tremendous help. I didn’t get depressed. I didn’t panic (much or for long). I didn’t wallow in any kind of self pity or shame. I took my time, the time I needed to process and find my center and take good care of myself.
Yes, self care was key. And now, self care means I’m coming back to my writing–the creative need is no longer fed by my editing work for other people. My one New Year’s resolution (and I don’t usually make any) for 2016 is to write more. On my blog and on Medium.com, and perhaps I will revive my newsletter (sorry, subscribers!). And also, I might write a book. I’m really asking for Spirit to guide me in all of my writing, because otherwise I know I won’t keep it up. I have been guided thus far, and I continue to be open.